can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
