It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
