my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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