She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
