I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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