I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
