break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
