i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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