Im at strip club and am horny
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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