You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
