So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So many bounce houses so little time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
