how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
