Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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