There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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