I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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