I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
