I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i have two assholes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
