Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
