I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
