i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
