Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
