You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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