He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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