Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize