I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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