Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
