Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
