He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
