I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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