Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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