Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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