ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize