Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
