What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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