you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
