i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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