I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
3pm strippers are depressing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
