Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
