He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
