I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
