How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
