Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
