onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
