can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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