we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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