She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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