i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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