Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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