the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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