you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
