the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
