my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk is not a location!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize