I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
