One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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