If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
