Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
false alarm. still invincible.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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