It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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