Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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