Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
