New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
