i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
