he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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