You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
