we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
