You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
