3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my sisters under your porch take her home
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
