So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
