I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
