not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
