I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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