got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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