My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
