There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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