Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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