you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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