either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
