I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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