@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
